Embracing the South

As part of my self-prescribed attitude adjustment recently, I have been closely examining some of my more bitter attributes. For starters, WHY did Matt's dream job have to be in the pine-covered, sandy-soiled, flat, hot, humid region of North Carolina? Wouldn't it be so much cooler and more conveniently suited to my lifestyle for us to live in Portland, Oregon or Boulder, CO or San Diego, CA? Heck, I'd jump for joy at placement in Western NC! After all, didn't I totally delight in moving away from the south after college? Wasn't I the one who vowed never to eat at another Shoney's or Cracker Barrel again?! Don't I hate the fact that runners and cyclists are spectacles rather than the usuals in small, southern towns?! These were my thoughts that fueled my pessimistic outlook the first year we were here. When reality set in that we'd be here at least for a decade (gasp!), I had to adjust my temperament. Since having a taste of life outside the southern states, it was very hard to swallow that we'd be moving back. So, for the past two years I have been making mental note to fully embrace the here and now. As one of my aunts so eloquently reminded me, "your life is now." Okay, so, she borrowed the line from John Cougar Mellencamp lyrics, but it resonates with me. I'm not in some awesomely scenic town resting at the foot of amazing mountains with a wonderfully cool climate. BUT, I am in a place where we can hop in the car, drive over rolling hills with fall foliage and flat,open cotton fields that slowly transform to marshy land speckled with palm trees, pelicans, and sporadic Spanish moss. And that is precisely what we did this weekend. Our mini adventure to SC was a welcome get away. It only takes us approximately 3 hours to get to Charleston, SC where a step back in time is beautiful. We arrived Friday evening at around 5 pm to the City Marina on the Charleston Harbor. Our little 37 foot sailboat awaited us all warm and cozy on a blustery fall day. The sky was purple with wispy, thin white clouds streaking through the brilliant color. The water was still and glistening. A long sidewalk paralleled the harbor all the way to the famous Charleston Battery; I instantly spotted locals running and I wanted to experience the route for myself (and I did Saturday evening at dusk). Corbin was VERY excited. He was jumping up and down shouting, "let's buy one of these boats!!!" Matt laughed so hard (though it really is in our long-term plan to purchase a sail boat). Corbin's excitement was contagious. We met up with Ali, the rep from Charleston Sailing School, and she walked us over to the "Mega Dock" where our boat was tied up for the night. We boarded the vessel named "Sinful" and claimed our beds. Josh and Sue got the back cabin and Corbin got the aft cabin. Matt and I would sleep on the kitchen table-turned-bed each night. It was surprisingly comfortable. That evening we headed over to the Marina Variety Store and Restaurant (the name does not do its food much justice). We feasted on seafood while Corbin had his usual chicken tenders and then headed back to the boat to put little man down for the evening. That is when we commenced with talking, catching up, and drinking ;) Between Josh, Sue, Matt, and I, a 5th of vodka was consumed over the course of 2 hours. True sailors, I'm told, would have downed rum. We had already broken a few superstitious rules before even untying our lines and heading out. We'd have it no other way. Josh peeled a banana for a snack and Matt warned him- "don't let Ali or Will see you eat a banana. It's bad luck on a sail boat according to them." Weird. I never thought about the sailing subculture, but it definitely exists. For instance, sailors/ sailing enthusiasts just can't bring themselves to say bathroom. Nope. It's the "head." I chuckled each time I heard somebody say it. Kind of silly. Anyway, there are so many terms to learn and such lingo that I'll be in school for years to master it all. Jibs, jibes, cutters, rigs, cats, monohulls, spinnakers, schooners, tacking, jibing, starboard, port side, wenches, and a slew of other things which I did not retain. I re-learned how to tie a few knots that I had forgotten since my climbing days. The clove hitch, half hitch, bowline, figure 8 on a bite, etc... That part was fun because a lot of it came back to me quickly. Matt really impressed me. He learned how to sail officially about two weeks ago. He went to the sailing course for 8 days. That was enough to give him confidence to take the family out for a sail on a boat we rented. Can you imagine?! I would be freaking out. He was very patient with us as we floundered around. There wasn't much wind this weekend, but we did actually set our sails and moved at a top speed of 4 knots per hour (that's crawlingly slow). In other words, it was perfect for our first family adventure. Charleston is so lovely. We marveled at the antebellum mansions along the coastline, and the sweet charm of many of the shops and restaurants. Shoot, the ladies working the gas station/quick mart were SOOOO friendly. They loved Corbin and they all cheered when he walked in Friday night to find a wayward $5 bill on the floor. They thought it was great! Corbin was so excited and said, "Hey, Daddy, I found a money." We let him keep it because nobody else was in the store at the time and the ladies were just hooting and hollering about how cute C is. Anyway, the service in the restaurants was always so typically deep South- "How y'all doin? What can I git ya sweetie? How bout some more coffee? Will the little guy want some milk? He's so cute. What are y'all up to this weekend?" Now, that part of the south, I can definitely embrace. And this gorgeous fall weather? I can handle that too! :-)
It was a relaxing weekend of quality family time that we really needed.
OH, and I can't forget that we had the BEST sushi that I have ever eaten in my life. I don't even remember the name of the restaurant, but it was amazing.

Thinking about buying a portable fire pit thingy majigger so that I can make smores out on the driveway or in the cul de sac. Anybody have suggestions for models they really like?

I love the fall. So much. The air is crisp. Runs are delightful. Not stifling. Corbin could stay outside all day (which makes my heart happy as I also am at my best outdoors). The leaves are stunning. The clouds are plumper. Aren't they? Truly, they seem like it.

Anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas and family visits makes me giddy.

I STILL have fun dressing up in costume. It's fun to pretend. I get excited (a little too early) to put up Halloween decorations. And I can't get enough of pumpkin flavored treats. Coffee. Pie. Candy. Muffins. Bring it.

Mono is less than fantastic. It's the opposite, in fact. However, I'm trying REALLY hard to see the silver lining- so here goes:

We have had lazy mornings cuddling in bed watching The Three Stooges Clips on Daddy's iPad or iPhone and we have enjoyed leisurely breakfasts for the past four mornings (omelets.. mmmmm)

I have taken two crawlingly slow walks through the neighborhood and have actually been moving slowly enough to see a black squirrel, fun Halloween decorations, a cute bunny with a bushy tail, some funny golf shots, and clouds sweeping across the sky. These are all things I would have missed had I been suffering through a run (though I miss it dearly!!!!)

Come to understand that I am not talented in the crafty domestics. I must fix this. Had I a single knitting/crocheting/scrapbooking bone in my body, this viral-induced down time would be a welcome chance to create something. About the only artsy thing I have accomplished has been to paint a pumpkin.

I have seen a few good movies. One in particular was pretty heavy, but really stuck with me for a while. It was a documentary about how the Bible's verses are misused to strip people of human rights. Really powerful. I can't remember the name, unfortunately (Because the Bible Told Me So?).

When I have felt a sudden burst of uninfected energy, I have cleaned out a few closets. Corbin has grown A LOT this past year. I'm donating many tee shirts that have suddenly become belly shirts. And pants too. He's a tall lanky thing.

Today we went to the pumpkin patch. It was nice little outing. Corbin would have filled up the wagon with every pumpkin he walked past. Good thing we set the one pumpkin limit early. He discarded a wonderfully round orange pumpkin for this little yellow hybrid of a thing. It's hard to tell whether it's a squash, gourd or pumpkin, but he loves it.

Playing

Matt mid-shenanigans with Corbin today on the couch. He's wearing a soft pumpkin that Corbin uses for trick-or-treating.



We're really fortunate that Matt's unit was so generous in giving him this entire week off to spend with Corbin as he recovers. It turned out to be a special time for Matt and Corbin as they rarely get to spend large blocks of time together without me. During long deployments Corbin and I undoubtedly bond and it's always heartbreaking for Matt to miss out on that one-on-one interaction. Anyway, this week was tough a bit with catching up at work, BUT I owe a huge thank you to my sweet friend Kristen who organized meal delivery for our little family every other night for the next ten days. We have received two meals already and though I am physically capable of planning and preparing meals now, when we first got back I was very overwhelmed. I literally went straight to work in the clothes I had flown in the day before and didn't get a chance to even walk into our house until later that evening. I had Open House at school the first night back, and had not been able to get to the grocery store to buy nutritious food. Matt and I both were desperate for home-cooked meals. I feel very fortunate and blessed to be a part of a community that cares enough to deliver meals to a family that has been on the go and under stress for the past three months. It shows (as my friend Libba said) that we don't just have to wait for a baby to be born or a family member to pass away to share the wonderful gift of cooked meals with friends. I was starting to feel guilty about it, but when she and I talked it reaffirmed that we shouldn't put limits on our giving and loving. I will CERTAINLY pay it forward because so much has been given to my family during this vulnerable and challenging phase of our lives. In this vein I will continue to sing praises of friends- Jonah (one of Matt's friends from childhood) came to visit us Friday night with Mike and Shannon (two other longtime buddies) and he came bearing gifts for Corbin. They were specifically rewards for Corbin's bravery. It was an exceptionally thoughtful gesture and it meant the world to Corbin. He had the biggest grin and has been pretty much inseparable from the "Zurg" action figure all weekend. It was so fun to see Matt relaxing and laughing with his friends. I firmly believe friendships are among the most important ingredients to a happy and healthy life. When we first moved here I struggled so badly to meet friends and right after giving birth to Corbin I was lonely; cursing the distance between me and my friends in Georgia. I don't know if it's a personal struggle or if all women feel this way, but, to me, it is an arduous undertaking to meet and befriend women in new towns. Though it took a while to establish, I now have such a wonderful and eclectic network of female friends. There are women I have met through teaching, women I've met through church, new neighbors, former neighbors, military wives, and ladies from the fitness center. I was telling Matt tonight that I used to bemoan this place- it's so flat, sandy, boring, too Southern, not progressive enough, but I have realized that it doesn't really matter where you live when you have good people and a loving community. There is no doubt that the human condition is in the community. We are designed to be social. We depend on each other. Life simply can not be done alone. When we were in Los Angeles this last time I reflected a lot more on the importance of community. On our first trip out for Corbin's initial reconstruction, I absorbed L.A. as an adventurous city with so much to do and such a diverse population. Two weeks ago when we were there I went running for thirty minutes and realized through wandering the streets that the massive sprawling Urbania was subdivided into a lot of communities. We were staying in the Fairfax District, but I ran through the Miracle Mile neighborhood and into Hancock Park and ventured a bit into La Brea. It made me think even more about how much I value a small community. There is security in recognizing people in cross-over situations. For instance, I met a very sweet lady when Corbin was in swim lessons, and I have since seen her at the library, in the grocery store, and at a friend's party. It's comforting to see familiar faces. My neighbors chat sometimes out in the cul de sac while checking mail and walking dogs, they all like to see and hear Corbin ride his bike in the cul de sac, and families that I met at church also frequent the same parks and swimming pools. Anyway, I was thinking about how a big city is probably a very lonely place as a transplant. I have moved from Boone to Winston-Salem to Richmond to Tacoma to Dahlonega to Southern Pines, Out of all the moves, Southern Pines has embraced me and I it. Certainly this town would not be my first pick out of all the wonderful places to live in the world, but it is a pleasant and safe community with lovely streets and family-friendly businesses. I am impressed with the arts scene, the athletic opportunities, and frankly such mundane things as organized recycling programs. I stumbled upon the O'Neal school and it has become such a perfect working scenario. Corbin is now across the parking lot from me at the preschool and I am enjoying my students so much. This blog post is basically my purging of thankfulness and it's not that interesting to read, but I have needed to write all of these wonderful blessings down for a while now...

I feel like a broken record. Each day for the past two months (exactly two months on today's date- the 13th) I have had this inner dialogue: Lord, please just heal this ear. We will be forever grateful. Hasn't Corbin endured enough? Aren't the lessons borne from this sufficient? We have been forced into a deeper compassion for families of children suffering illnesses and birth defects. We have been coerced to see the silver lining in the dimmest of situations...." yadda yadda. Not only do I spin this wheel in my own head, but I'm also pretty good at projecting my worry outwards. My sister gave me the Guatemalan worry people for a reason ;)
Anyway, I realized today (when Kristen Wachob stopped by the house to say hi) that I have been deliberately avoiding people because I am well aware that I am completely consumed with the status of my son's ear. It's no lie. I wake up, take off the ear cup, wash the ear, put on bacitracin, hem and haw over the blood spots on his pajamas, seek Matt's opinion, take pictures of the ear, email them to the doctor, and then I'm either out the door to go to work or furiously attacking house chores. At work, people ask "how is your son?" And I launch into how worried we are.

It's tough work being worried. Intellectually I understand that my worry does absolutely nothing to solve the problems and that my time could be better spent praying to God that he will take on the burden; that this "ear thing" will play out the way it's meant to go. But, ya know what? That ain't how I roll. I'm the mama to this precious little boy. It's my job to make sure he has the best we can give him in life. And, damn it, if this ear doesn't pan out to be glorious for him, I'm going to be mighty sad. Frankly, we elected this treatment for him because we want him to have a full,happy life. We've barely scratched the surface on fixing Corbin's hearing. We'll do referrals for fitting a soft band bone-anchored hearing aid. He will try that for a while at preschool, and then when his 5th birthday rolls around, we'll be deciding again if Corbin should undergo surgery. Will we implant a permanent hearing aid or will we just coax him into wearing a headband when he's at school? This is all very daunting to me. There are those who say, "Count your blessings. It could be worse. He could be born with mental disabilities...etc" That is all absolutely true. And when I do stop to think about how great we've got it, I ground myself a bit. But it would be dishonest to say that I have not been wallowing in our tiny little set of sorrows lately. I like to type these things out. It's healthy to journal. Now, if you're still reading, just know that Corbin is totally happy and running around this house as usual. He does not complain when we have to put a strap and cup on his ear every. single. night. He is really teaching me so much. In his words, "no big deal, Mama."
I guess in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't.

Worries

The best place to be during a tropical storm is the beach.
The restaurants are quiet, the bike paths are open, the sand is untouched, and the neighborhood pool is private. With Matt's mechanic genius, we were able to convert an abandoned and rusted beach- cruising bike into an operable ride for my sis. We hooked up the trailer to my bike for Corbin to ride in and the whole family hit the bike path along 30A here at the Gulf of Mexico. The rain was pelting us and it felt so rebellious to be riding a bike as my cotton capri pants were consequently becoming see-through cheese cloth. We pulled off into the parking lot of a state park and rode all the way to the end of a boardwalk that was clearly marked for pedestrians only, but again, it's storming. There are no park rangers are out to hassle us. We had the most majestic view of the sand dunes gently rolling from the boardwalk's beginning out to the gulf. These are Florida's "mountains."

We have been breaking all of convention's rules and Corbin totally deserves it. He is about to endure another surgery (poor baby) and has been such a compliant three-year-old with antibiotics thrice daily since July. Yesterday we let him swim in the pool while it was raining and wind was blowing leaves into the pool. He kept yelling, "this is SO fun, Mommy!" The motto of this little pit stop on the way across the country AGAIN is: "give our worries away." I have been praying and trying to hand them over to God, but they just keep creeping into my mind. I look at Corbin's pink,raw, puffy ear and want to scream at the unfairness of it all. But, of course, that doesn't help us. My sweet sister gave me a small box of Guatemalan worry dolls. Tonight I gave each one a single worry to dwell on, and I put them under my pillow. Supposedly by tomorrow morning my worries will be gone ;)
I also wrote the worries in the wet packed sand. I drew a picture of an ear on the smooth sand and wrote "Ear Peace Please?!" I hope the phrase gets washed out to sea and drifts forever out of my heart. I love Corbin like I never thought imaginable. There are so many moms who can relate. The connection to your child is fierce. When a child is forced to undergo painful surgeries and long recoveries, the mother's heart breaks. That's where I am. I'm not defeated. I'm wounded. We have one more day of beach fun. We could have seen this weather as a metaphor for this past year- a threatening black cloud. But we have chosen to play in the rain. We will revel in it one more day and then put on our armor for this next surgery. Corbin's implant will come out, the doctor will sterilize it and make a new implant mold. He will inject antibiotics into the tissue, replace the implant, and sew Corbin up again. Corbin will be tender and will have to start the healing process again. I will cry. Matt will remain steely-faced and strong. We will silently be dying inside until we see signs of improvement in our son. And then, somehow, on the other side, we will grow.

PreSchool

Today was Corbin's first day at O'Neal's preschool. On the way I asked Corbin if he was excited and he said, "yea, I'm a teacher at O' Meal. I have to teach people stuff." (He always calls it O'Meal) And then he was quiet for a second and said, "What is a teacher?"
We discussed that for a minute and then he said, "well, I'm just going to play at my school." I guess teaching didn't sound too interesting. We pulled into the parking lot and he announced "I am not going to cry, Mama. When you drop me off, I am just going to say bye." I was relieved to hear that because seeing him look so grown up with a backpack certainly made me want to cry. When I picked him up he was smiling and pretending to be a super hero. All of the kids were gathered around Mrs. Vest, their sweet teacher, reading a book. Corbin was holding puzzle pieces up to his body. They were from a super hero puzzle. He was listening to the story while simultaneously balancing these puzzle pieces in the correct places on his body. He had a wooden torso and cape resting on his belly and wooden eyes resting on top of his nose. Mrs. Vest said, "he is so sweet, and so kind, and just really responsible for his age. He ate all his lunch too!"
I asked Corbin if he was ready to go and he said, "Nah. Mama. I'm having fun here."
THAT is exactly what I wanted to hear!!!! :) I am so thrilled that he had a great first day.
We were walking out the door when he said, "I need to give Connor a smooch." I realized Connor is his little buddy (a boy!) and quickly said, "oh, how about a high five instead?" They high-fived and then he marched right out. I'd say it was successful.